Music Therapy

This year I’ve started doing something that I can say YES to. Wholeheartedly. And it’s exciting.

This place where I did my last placement was a special school and filled with children that had such wonderful complex little personalities. Each child was simply unique and I loved getting to know them over the time I was there. I would research their individual needs every night and plan sessions that I was excited to put into action the next day. Sometimes the sessions went smoothly, sometimes they didn’t but I enjoyed delving into reflections with my supervisor and deciding what I could do better next time.

Music was so motivating in more ways than I could have fathomed. Each day music was broken down into it’s little parts and used in either song writing, improvising, playing instruments or singing to work towards various goals for these children. It was fun and engaging and I loved being able to just play with such a creative form.

I learnt so much and jumped in my car each afternoon with a sense of contentment.

Closure is a crazy thing. We read about it and are told about it at Uni but it’s impossible to see it happening. I ended my last day with well wishes and a sense of closing the chapter… but now it just feels like something is really missing. That purpose. That feeling of being helpful. Those children. I miss working hard towards something I’m so excited about.

Music therapy can be confronting, challenging and emotional at times but at the end of the day the small moments of progress, the smiles or the moment someone makes eye contact with you for the first time.. It’s all those moments that make it so incredible.

I’ve been inspired this year, to keep going, to keep working hard.

I never thought I would be able to find a sense of stability again for a long time after coming home from Thailand. That place, the people and way of life became something that I deeply resonated with. Coming home felt foreign and different and I wasn’t sure if it would ever feel the same again.

Deciding to embark on music therapy has felt like coming home again. In some ways it’s like travelling; being thrown into new placements, learning to speak the language and understand the needs of the different populations that you work with, the elated feelings when you overcome some of your greatest challenges –  there are so many parallels that can be drawn. But really, it feels like home. That earthy grounded place that I always long for.

I’m just thankful. I can’t wait to get back into it next year. But for now, I need to just let myself relax and have a break. I have learnt this year that I love working hard for something and I love routine. I didn’t know that about myself until this year. I have been so chilled my whole life, never digging my teeth into things and just accepting things as they are..  but that’s stopped this year and it’s exciting. It’s like I’ve grabbed the reins again.

Honestly, these words are really just me trying to finding closure for this year. It’s hard to sum up. But it’s been life changing and I don’t want to stop. But I will.. and I will eat some rum balls, enjoy some wine and seeing my family and deep down feel grateful that I’ve found that thing that I can finally say YES to.

Prior to Departure, After Arrival

Coming home has been tough, I’m not going to lie. I wanted to make some notes throughout the transition so decided to ask myself some simple questions. I needed a way to harness my feelings and just make a bit of sense out of them. In ways it’s been beautiful – seeing my friends and family again and experiencing Australia’s natural beauty everyday. But on a deeper level, it’s been a bit more challenging.

Instead of just filling this page with word vomit, I decided to give it a bit of structure. Whoever really knows me will be laughing. Structure Erin? Do you know what that means??

The first section is what I wrote when I was in Thailand anticipating coming home and then the last section is what I wrote just then… after being home for a month.

First up, I just want you to know that it’s nothing personal. I just can’t do the false stuff, real emotions are the way to go.

Prior to Departure

1. The five things that I have enjoyed most about living abroad are

  •  The people. The kind, genuine, accepting and caring nature of people here. 
  • The Mai bpen Lai attitude ( not many things truly bother people over here, everything (unless its a life or death situation) isn’t major and I love that people just brush off those little things that some people get so impatient about back home)
  • The relaxed easy way of life and being able to treat myself with weekly massages
  • Meeting other travellers and building strong connections through that love of meeting new people and seeing new sights.
  •  Learning and immersing myself in a different culture – speaking Thai and eating delicious street food.

 2. Five things that have been difficult or have bothered me the most while I have been abroad are:

  •  Living a very alone lifestyle at times. Not being able to truly communicate with everyone I meet and being able to share experiences. 
  •  The cleanliness of the air and general surroundings. The air was so smoggy by the end and I didn’t feel like I could really breathe at times. People just throw their rubbish on the streets too. Not a lot of regard to keeping everything clean.
  • The business management skills – a lot of things are last minute and not much planning goes towards things. A lot of disregard to smaller details.
  •  Being looked at constantly and always feeling a little bit foreign in a country. Always seen as a falang.
  •  People spitting all the time! I will never get used to that.. YUCK.

 3. The five things I have missed most about my home country.

  • My closest friends and family
  • The beautiful weather and blue skies – crisp mornings, always feeling fresh.
  • Road trips with good music/chats.
  • The Beaches and beachy/laid back culture
  • So much international cuisine to choose from/cooking my own food and having friends over to hang/do normal chilled stuff.

 4. The five things (people, places, activities, etc., in my home country) I have missed least since I have been abroad are:

  • The expensive lifestyle
  • The society little pressures and small mindedness
  • Working in retail
  • Not being challenged enough
  • The city where noone acknowledges anyone or says hi to each other each day. 

My greatest single challenge while I have been abroad has been:

In some ways my greatest challenge has also been my greatest strength.. and that is totally having to rely on myself at the end of the day. Sometimes it got lonely and I just wanted to share my day or experiences with someone. I missed lying next to someone or the occasional hug  but at the same time, I learnt that I am truly capable of anything I put my mind to and nothing is too hard to deal with in the moment. 

  The greatest single challenge I think I will have when I return home is:

Just being in a different culture again – where it seems to be much more individualistic/self focused instead of being all about community and the good of the people. feeling like an alien.

After Arrival

1. The five things I have enjoyed most about being home are:

  • Being at an arms reach again to my family and friends.
  •  Embracing the natural beauty that surrounds, having time to go and explore the beaches and the mountain ranges etc. 
  • Being able to truly relax for the first time in a while. living ‘comfortably’ again. 
  • A glorious soft bed
  • Delving more into learning the ukulele.

2. The five things that have bothered me most about being home are:

  • Feeling a bit restless and a bit lost as to where I fit in to my life back here. There have been some big changes while I’ve been away and I guess its just getting used to those and trying to forget what ‘was’ a year a go and embracing what ‘is’.
  • How people care so much and say a lot of unnecessary stuff.
  • Struggling to express myself how I did overseas. I felt so free and able to just do me and dream big without any feeling of society or people thinking maybe it’s not the right decision and making that known. I was able to follow my heart everyday even if I wasn’t making a lot of income and if it was really challenging at times…I didn’t care cause I felt like I was truly living life. 
  • Not having markets every street I walk down. I miss the amazing street food cooked with love and it being so cheap.
  • Everything being so DAMN EXPENSIVE for no good reason. Struggling with a culture that is so materialistic and will just pay ridiculous amounts for things. I can’t get my head around spending good money on stuff instead of experiences.

3. The five international things (people, places, situations, etc.) I miss the least since I have returned home are:

  • My rock hard bed in Nan
  • The feelings of utter exhaustion and so much marking to do
  • Morning duty
  • Not having a kitchen to prepare food in 
  • Feeling hot and sweaty all the time

4. The five things (people, places, activities, etc.) I miss most from abroad since I have returned home are:

  • My students! Teaching the beautiful little faces everyday.
  • The markets and the delicious food! SomTum, Khao Soi, Coconut icecream, Pad ga pow.. Oh man I’ll stop!
  • Speaking Thai and having hilarious moments trying to explain myself. How simple it all was over there. How a smile could say a hundred words. 
  • Pongs ( our neighbour that cooked delicious noodle soup each morning)
  • People that I met that truly inspired me and dreamed big with me. Eating pomelo with my roommate and just having the best chats about everything. 
  • Yoga, every night of the week for only around $40 a month.. oh and those cheap weekly massages.

My greatest single challenge while I have been back home has been:

Just integrating back into a new culture again and not feeling like this is home for me anymore. Its a strange feeling coming back after 13 months away. I thought I would be flooded with feelings of familiarity, connection, etc. Of course, I did realise that it was going to be tough too. Thailand had become my home for that year and I had adapted so much into the way of thinking, their gentle approaches, speaking a little bit of thai and being overwhelmed everyday by the kindness of the people over there that coming home felt more foreign to me. So I’d say thats what it was. I had a beautiful couple of weeks when  I got back seeing my dearest friends and seeing my close family. I have to admit, I love seeing them. Whenever I can. But I also realise that I’ve been away for a year, and everyone has their people, their families, their full time jobs, their lives that they’re building.. just as I was in Thailand. Things have changed and I’m struggling to find that place within it all that feels like home again. With time, I’m sure I will find it again.

 

 

This is it.

This time last year, I was saying and asking myself.. ‘This is it. Am I ready?”

Now I’m sitting here and I feel like I’m saying the same thing but this time it is about coming home. Silly isn’t it. I wasn’t sure if I was ready to move away from home and now I’m feeling the same about coming home. But more than anything, it’s a fear. 

I wanted to trust that feeling in me that would tell me to go home at some point. I had a few moments of it during the year, but really only when I was missing special events or if I was particularly having a bad day here. For most of the time I was really happy being here. I enjoyed teaching and being with the kids, going on adventures on the weekends, riding a motorbike around, connecting with wonderful humans, enjoying cheap massages and tasty street food. I look back on this year with only gratitude. I couldn’t help but chuckle to myself when I realised that some of the trouble makers and the class clowns were the ones I would miss the most. They were the children that made me second guess myself all the time and I learnt from. They kept me on my toes and for that I’m thankful even though I didn’t seem like it in the moment. ha! 

Lately, I’ve been feeling a natural pull towards home. Towards Australia and my loved friends and family. At the moment, I can imagine as far as getting off the plane, seeing everyone and squeezing them to death and then I’m left with this void… It’s strange.

I can also see myself going on to the next country with my backpack strapped on and living free as a bird with no obligations, commitments, not a financial worry.. It all sounds pretty grand doesn’t it and don’t get me wrong it is at times. But within any experience there are those normal moments that we don’t see plastered on social media or that people don’t really share. Life is filled with those insignificant (but really, very significant)  little moments wherever we are. Doesn’t matter if you’re swimming the Nile, climbing the pyramids or climbing Mt Everest – we could still step in dog poop or the people we love and miss will still be on our minds. And I love that. We’re human. 

My mum came to Thailand to visit recently and it was special. I have to admit the first few days I felt like I really wanted to show her EVERYTHING and that did involve lots of food even if we weren’t feeling too hungry. I quickly realised that as much as you can travel and see big monuments, jam pack those days with activities etc, it can’t beat connection and sharing moments with someone close. The moments that I cherished with my mum were when we had those afternoons off relaxing in the resort, laughing deeply, enjoying pineapple smoothies and describing flowers we saw in great detail. It was really about those moments for me. That is where life happens. It’s so important to just stop every now and then, stop racing to see everything, be everywhere in the world and just enjoy whats in front of us. I loved that just walking around Nan; Mum appreciated the plants, the bells at the temples and going into the little shops. Simple. 

I’m excited to head back to Australia some time in the near future and embrace the people that I so love and to enjoy the clear blue sky again! Honestly – it’s so smoggy here from all the burning at the moment. Clean air will feel amazing. 

Yeah, there will be challenges settling back in and practically starting from scratch again. I am so unsure at this point in time. I figure though as Thailand has thrown some great curveballs during my time here, that I’ll be as ready as I’ll ever be. I remember a quote once that said, ‘Happiness is only real when shared’. I don’t entirely agree with it, I think you can feel deeply happy alone too. But I do believe it just explodes when you do have the chance to share it and I have missed that at times this year. 

As I’m standing at this point in my life, it’s both exciting and daunting. Either way though, whether someone is moving to a foreign country to teach English for a year or returning home or even just telling someone how they feel.. they just have to leap. You only know how it will turn out when you’ve done it. 

I’m feeling a sense of deja vu. Time to book those plane tickets.

Thanks for reading, as always.

 

Back to Nature.

When I was younger on New Years Eve, Ali and I would make a snake out of all our board games throughout the house. We would sit down as a family and make our way down the snake playing every game until it was midnight. It was always a fun way to bring in the new year as a child.

This year, I could have been in Chiang Mai partying and bringing in 2015 with a bang. I even bought a ticket yesterday and had every intention to go however this morning when it came to boarding the bus, I just didn’t feel any pull to race towards the city. I wanted to be in nature and to sing and write again.

Being a teacher is such a wonderful thing in many ways but in the last week I feel like I have been so many people other than myself. On Christmas day I was Santa (hurting with homesickness) who gave candy to children no matter how they were behaving and on the weekend I was Miss ASEAN for a Sports Day parade. Don’t get me wrong, I enjoyed most of those moments however I honestly just wanted to take the makeup and costumes off and get back to my natural self when it was all over. So this five day holiday is dedicated to that time, refilling my cup and getting in touch with the Erin that has been a little lost lately.

Today I decided to ride a motorbike to the Caves on the outskirts of town. It was good to just have the wind in my hair again as I rode. Once there, I walked up some steep rocky stairs and headed to the first cave. The only noises I could hear were the rustling of the leaves, the birds calling to each other and my pen on the paper. It was the first time in a while that I had been in silence. I’ve always wondered why it is that I feel such a sense of calmness and like I’m able to breath deeply again when I walk through a rainforest or along the beach. It’s like I am one with my surroundings, completely. Humans are apart of nature though so it makes sense that we would feel more at home surrounded by it than in any concrete jungle. I sat in some caves for a while and then found a seat by a still lake to do some writing. Funnily enough, a beautiful orange butterfly started to fly around my feet for a while then it came and landed on my bag and stayed there the whole time as I was writing. It felt like a little sign or reassurance that I was where I was meant to be. I really enjoyed sharing the moment with that little butterfly as simple and short as it was.

Nature has it all worked out. Why don’t humans ever learn from it. Everything works in perfect harmony when you look at a sunset or watch the waves roll in at the beach. There is no forcing anything, it just happens with ease. Humans are funny, we have created so many ways to go against the natural flow of life. People don’t trust it enough and heaven forbid would never want to look the age they actually are, not to mention the amount of people who feel they should mask their true emotions every day. I say this because I’ve been there, and it’s hard. But it’s harder and more tiring deep down not being true to yourself.

Facebook is the best mask of them all. It definitely takes precious minutes out of days and the killer is that it’s not even real. It’s like we’re viewing a distorted view of reality because everything we see has already happened- it’s in the past. Although, it is as if it becomes our immediate reality when we see it. No, your friend did not get married ‘2 minutes’ ago or that person is not scuba diving ‘Now’ as Facebook claims. It makes me sad and angry to hear that younger people now are finding a sense of self worth through how many comments/likes their posts receive too. Who cares if 453 people that you don’t know liked your picture. Maybe it frustrates me so much because I can sometimes feel myself slipping into this fake world too.

So back to nature it is for me. I made a little list today and usually I am never one to make new years resolutions because I am the first to break them. However, I feel like I know the girl that boarded that plane 9 months ago even more now.  I know what she needs in life and what works and doesn’t work for her. I know that she has to trust her heart and through doing that, life will blossom and be filled with lessons, growth and passion.

So tonight, I am not playing boardgames with my sister or drinking heaps of alcohol. I am honestly just enjoying playing the ukulele and singing. It feels good. I can’t wait to see what 2015 has in store.

Thanks for reading, as always, and Happy New Years x

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My butterfly friend.

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A beautiful view to bring in 2015 with.

Transience.

It’s true that every moment is constantly changing and evolving in every day life but I have never been aware of it quite as much as I have whilst traveling and living abroad.
Nothing is in your life to stay except for photos and memories and that is definitely one of the challenges that I have faced since living abroad.

It’s almost as though someone sweeps the carpet out from under your feet and catches you off guard daily. Everything that you can find stability and comfort in one day can easily be gone the next. Sometimes this isn’t easy to face especially when it comes to the people you meet along the way.

Experiences can come and go, sure. We have an amazing time soaking up everything around us but can be content that it is going to end as all times do.

People go deeper though. Sometimes they can hit a place that you didn’t even know was there sometimes. These people aren’t everywhere but the rare few that come into your life for a moment in time change you and for the better. I don’t know if its because we know our time together is numbered or if we are just like minded souls on the same journey but there is no doubt that these meetings have moved me to the core.

When it comes to saying goodbye, I’d love some tips. I’ve never been great at it and I have to admit I’m always in disbelief that it’s happening until it’s happened. The good byes never stop either. As much as you hope you will see that person again, there is no set date and you just don’t know what is ahead. You just have to trust that your paths will cross again.

Right now, I can only say thank you to those people. Thank you for showing me how to open my heart, for having confidence in me, for the inspiring conversations, for the laughing and for showing me the depth of connection that is possible with another human being.

This unstable, ever changing lifestyle has really reminded me to appreciate the things that I do have in my life now and the wonderful people in my life now.You just don’t know when that carpet will be swept out from under you.
Even though this notion has been heightened for me whilst traveling, there is no doubt that it happens everyday everywhere. People say good bye to loved ones and trees change with the seasons. Change is all around. Knowing that though, doesn’t take the sting out of it when it happens.

Sending all my love to the people that came into my life, touched me and then boarded those planes all too fast. You know who you are.

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One semester down.

Fairy lights on. Hot ginger tea in hand. Imagine Dragons playing in the background. Ultimate comfort zone engaged.. I don’t need much. ha ha.

I’m not sure how I managed to give 15 exams to 600 students in two days and grade them but here I am, all finished for one semester. I have been stretched thin at times, been challenged, felt real rage but at the same time I have also felt my happiest, most content and in touch with myself in ways that I have never felt whilst on this journey. It never ceases to amaze me how one day can hold so many emotions. I love it, feeling things intensely one minute and then having the chance to wipe the slate clean again. When that bell goes, there is always a chance to start a fresh no matter how that last class went or how I’m feeling. As much as the bell is loud and obnoxious most of the time, it is also a really good reminder to reset.

It already feels strangely comforting to be sitting in this silence with no thoughts on what I have to do next. That just doesn’t happen regularly as a teacher – there is always something to be doing such as copying, researching, marking or training students for spelling bee’s. As much as I love teaching, it will be nice to take the teacher hat off for a little while and relax and explore.

I’ll start tomorrow with an early bike ride I think. It’s funny wherever I am in the world, the same things make me feel content. Just simple things. You really don’t have to be in an exotic place far away to find that. I’m loving yoga, eating healthy, singing karaoke in my bedroom at night, writing every night, meeting wonderful people, being surrounded by kind people but honestly those things can be found anywhere. You just have to find what makes you feel most connected to yourself and do it. They can be the simplest things but can bring the greatest sense of peace. At the start, when I first arrived here, I was spending so much time consumed in teaching, my job and worrying how I would fit into this Thai community. It was such a waste of time as I’m learning that when you take care of yourself first and foremost, you can then give your best version of yourself to everyone in your life and your job too.

One semester and 6 months down, Nan is feeling more and more like home. I’m definitely not ready to leave just yet. I’m trusting that feeling for now. I think I’ll know when the time is right one day to say good bye. There are more adventures and fun to be had just yet.

Love to you all,
Erin

A little look at Nan from the seat of my bicycle.

This post was inspired by a bike ride I went on at dusk this evening.

After hopping on my bike and picking up my printing from a little dusty shop near by, I decided to try a family owned restaurant for dinner that was just down the road from the printing shop. As I arrived, I caught a man’s eye and quickly waiied to show my respect. We smiled at each other and I ordered my favourite, Pork rice noodle soup. As I sat down, we had a very simple conversation and he proceeded to point to all of the utensils in front of me and tell me their names in Thai. I repeated it all back to him and he laughed and helped me with my pronunciation. I really appreciated that as I find most of the places I do go here, the local people either want to learn English or are just too shy to talk at all. So to be able to learn some extra Thai words was a real bonus this time! His pet white cat lay at my feet while I ate as he sat at the back of the cramped little shop watching the World Cup on a tiny TV box.

I flicked through my language guide book as I sat there and devoured the soup. I’ve decided I really need to make more effort with learning this language. I really think it’s so important to be able to communicate and I’ve been finding lately that I’ve met some wonderful people that I see everyday that I would like to be able to hold a conversation with instead of getting to a point where it gets awkward and I just nod/smile and say Pop gan Mai (See you later). The longer I am here it is only natural that these friendships are becoming stronger and I feel because of my lack of knowledge of the Thai language, we hit a brick wall sometimes. Our neighbours are so friendly, offering fruits regularly but what can I say… You guessed it… Kop Khun Ka! Aroi mac mac! (Thank you, very delicious) Time to expand on this I think Erin! It’s not up to the Thai people to bend over backwards to try and speak English even though it is kind when they try their best and usually butcher it. Ha ha.

After I paid the man and said ‘Kop Khun Ka, Aroi Mac Mac’ once again with a smile, I was on my way home. All of the printing papers in the front basket made my bike sway a bit so I dropped it off and decided to explore a bit more. It was lovely to just ride through the narrow little streets and to see the temples shining with the last rays of sun on them for the day, families spending time together, the wooden traditional houses and also the green fields dotted with cows grazing. I ended up getting a little lost but with that came this feeling of ultimate freedom and I just wanted to keep going further and further away from our apartment. As I rode down the open road in the fields, I realised how thankful I was for every experience that I have had that has led me to this point. If anything had happened differently, I quite possibly would not be here and that thought I can’t even fathom right now. I ended up heading home as it was getting dark and out of some miracle, I found my way back. The surburban streets resemble a maze here. They are just little white cement roads leading everywhere without rhyme or reason. There is room for one car at a time so can be a little bit of a squeeze at times. When I got home, I showered and made a cup of tea with an urge to write. That brings me to right now…

I will write more about teaching at Rachanuban School in another post soon. That element of living in Nan has easily been the most challenging and rewarding experience of my life. In my first week and still every now and then, I have moments of self doubt, moments of wanting to just run back to the comforts of home and also moments of feeling so out of control. Before coming to Thailand I could never imagine using a bamboo cane in the school system however it is a common punishment used within the Thai teachers. I just get laughed at when I pick it up as a scare tactic as the little ones know that I wouldn’t do it. I have never been great at the ‘stern’ face. I have even had times where I would say ‘Sit down’ and use huge gestures so it was very clear what I meant. The children clearly had no idea (or pretended they had no idea) and proceeded to make dance moves out of my commands singing… ‘Sit down, sit down’ as they shuffled their feet backwards and motioned with their hands the same gesture I showed them a few minutes before. I had to hide the giggle and remain stern to even have a chance of getting them to sit down.

As the weeks go by, each day really does get easier. I am starting to know my students and that is one of the best things about the job. Actually, it is the best thing. The children are incredibly loving and I’m overwhelmed with their little smiles and willingness to receive high fives and shake hands. Kids will be kids, wherever I am in the world and I’ve realised it’s silly to even think that a classroom of 7 year olds will ever be still and quiet. I am enjoying just concentrating on the children and giving them a fun experience each time I walk in the room. I find they respond so much more to music, games and just a certain relaxed vibe instead of someone who takes things too seriously and strives to have order all the time. As English teachers, we want to ignite that fire in them to want to learn English. Once they decide that they want to, then there’s no going back! Everyday is still a roller coaster without a doubt. I can’t pick it. Sometimes classes go well, sometimes not so well. I’m learning to roll with it, not to take it so seriously and just to learn from every thing that happens. You really find out what you’re made of in those moments of panic, not in the easy ones.

The longer I stay here in Nan, the more it’s feeling like a great little home for now. This town isn’t buzzing like the cities down south and there are no beaches but it has a certain charm about it. The mountains stretch all around us, there is an abundant supply of exotic fruits and the ancient temples line most streets. There are many national parks to explore which reminds me, I must toughen up and rent a motorcycle. That’s how most people get around over here. For now a bicycle has been a great way to get around and see everything. Each bike ride I go on, I see a new little part of Nan and fall more in love with this place.

Thanks for reading.
All my love,
Erin x

Thai living.

It’s hard to even know where to start with this entry. I have to admit I’ve been a little intimidated with starting to write again as there is just too much to say. I know it will be impossible to cover everything but I will try and paint a picture for you as best I can.

My first month in Thailand was spent in a smaller coastal town, Hua Hin. I lived in an apartment at Suchaya House with all of the other people in the ‘Thotsaken’ group. At the start, we didn’t know a thing about each other and started conversations with, ‘so..where are you from?’ ‘what made you come to Thailand?’ Etc. It was exciting to meet people from all over the world and notice the little cultural differences when we spoke. These people soon became so much more than just strangers though. They became family. We spent everyday together and honestly, I couldn’t have fathomed meeting such amazing people before I left for Thailand. Some of those relationships will stay with me for life, there is no doubt. It was so hard to say good bye to everyone at the end of the course. I do trust though that if we are meant to meet again in the future, we will.

An average day in Hua Hin consisted of waking up, picking up some water bottles from Family Mart and then catching the bright green Song Tao for 10 baht(30c) into the market for a quick brekkie on the run. One of my favourite little snacks was banana sticky rice or coconut sticky rice wrapped in banana leaves. Another treat was an iced coffee served in a bag of ice. These were so refreshing on a hot day because I would put the ice on my head once I’d finished the coffee. Genius, I know! There were street vendors who sold bags of fresh tropical fruits too, which was always a great afternoon ‘pick me up’.

For the main part of the day, we would all sit in a traditional Thai classroom with just fans and little wooden chairs and desks and learn about either Thai language, Thai culture or different teaching techniques. There were always the class clowns that liked to pretend to be Thai students to challenge the teachers practicing. It was a supportive environment and I’m thankful for the feedback that I received each time. One thing I am going to have to practice is my drawing skills as we have to present new vocabulary words complete with illustrations to the Thai students each day. As well as that, writing on a black board is going to be a new experience too. I’ll have to watch my silly little spelling errors that I can make sometimes.

Outside class, we would have lunch at various little family owned vendors and restaurants. We found a little vendor one day in an alley way and the family was so welcoming. They set up a table and chair in their sewing room and offered for us to eat there. After taking our shoes off and waiing politely we enjoyed a yummy meal. It was easily the best pad thai I have had here so far. Needless to say many other friends tried the place too. The food here is so delicious and tasty. I could probably write a whole
blog post on here just about the food!

I also enjoyed running or walking along the local beach most afternoons, looking for cowrie shells, exploring the night markets, going for massages and relaxing in the pool at the hotel after a hot day. In our first orientation week we had an opportunity to go and participate in a Muay Thai class too which was fun!

Songkhran ( Thai New year) was another incredible highlight too. It’s hard to capture the spirit of the day in writing but just picture being soaked with water the moment you walk out the front door and that is how you will be for the rest of the day! Everyone had their water balloons, Hawaiian coloured shirts, water floatation devices, water pistols and buckets ready for the day. People didn’t hesitate to push anyone that was ‘too dry’ in the pool too. I soon realised that my swimsuit was going to be the only smart outfit for the day! It was like everyone had a free pass to just be kids again as we snuck up on people and poured a bucket of water over their head. We gasped when icy water was poured from passing utes whilst walking to the party venue. Local people also stopped us to put chalk on our cheeks and wish us luck for the new year. That was followed with being shot by water pistols. It was one of the best celebrations I have ever been a part of. Imagine a whole city just stopping work for a few days and drenching each other with water! Australia needs to get on board.

Hua Hin soon became a home away from home, and admittedly I am already missing it now.

After our month in Hua Hin, I reluctantly said goodbye to a special few and headed to Bangkok for an orientation course with my agency. We had a couple of days off before it started, so we decided to explore Siam, some night markets and even give a local beer garden a shot. That beer garden was soon dubbed a little shifty as there were rats running around and a cat had even made a home for itself in the Buddha shrine. I felt a little on edge as my friends liked to tickle my ankles to make me jump. It worked. But I have vowed I will get them back, one day.

We stayed in a place called Suda Palace. The orientation was held there too. The hotel itself was really nice, almost a bit royal looking. The lobby was adorned with golden framed mirrors on the ceilings and nice maroon chairs. There was even a piano that I loved just playing around on. It’s amazing how great that felt actually, I’ve missed being surrounded by instruments and music over here. I would love to get back into singing again once I’m up in my placement and a little more settled. There might even be an opportunity to start a little music program at my school which would be fun!
I shared a room with my good friend, Kalia, and it was nice just being able to relax together in the evenings and talk/laugh about the days happenings. Our maid, without fail, always placed my belongings on her bed in perfect order when she cleaned our room. I don’t know why we found this so funny, but we sure did giggle. Each day Kalia had a new little pile of things on her bed that they had left her.

On the first day of the Media Kids Orientation course, we headed downstairs for our complimentary breakfast and then put on our uniforms. Our uniforms are black skirts, white blouses and a bright blue neck scarf that I still haven’t worked out how to wear properly. It slips to the side and just looks like a sloppy bow tie most days.
The course, to be honest felt a little regimented after our fun Xplore Asia month in Hua Hin. The agency is so professional and I am thankful that they are orgainising everything from accommodation, wages and school placements however it just seemed a little strict. I felt very watched at times and there was a sense that they were cookie cutting us to be the perfect teachers who could say and do no wrong. In reality we’re human and will make mistakes and probably do the wrong sort of wai to our head directors. Yes, there are 4 different ways to wai and 12 different smiles so I better pick the right ones on my first day!
Our consultants seem friendly and helpful though. I’m looking forward to moving into my apartment in Nan soon. It will be nice to have my own space again and just be able to start teaching the Thai youngsters. My students will be grade 2,4 and 6. There will be challenging days but also rewarding ones I’m sure. I feel as though I will learn a lot about what I’m capable of up in that little town amongst the mountains.

Once again, I had to farewell more special people in Bangkok which was harder than I expected. It has been a strange feeling since finishing the TESOL course. I’m just taking each day as it comes but as we keep moving on to different places, it can be easy at times to lose that sense of comfortability and familiarity that being with people and small routines do help to create.

Two days ago, I boarded a double decker bus with some good friends to the beautiful islands down south. We’re staying in Koh Tao and it really is everything you could imagine a tropical paradise to be. The bus trip was 8 hours long and then we hopped on a ferry for about 2 hours. Suprisingly
The trip was quite enjoyable, it was nice to just sit, relax, listen to music and sleep on the bus. The ferry trip was picturesque as we passed rain showers on the horizon and small little rock islands jutting out of the ocean. Arriving in Koh Tao, our jaws instantly dropped. The island is spotted with little bungalows, palm trees and the water is a clear aqua blue. We found a little pink and white dorm with AC on the beach for about $10 a night and that has been our little abode ever since.

The first day was really enjoyable, exploring the island. I feel as though the sun may have gotten to me though as I’ve spent most of the day sick in bed with a very red rudolf nose. Not sure if it was Thai tummy or dehydration but I do know that it was only a matter of when it would happen instead of if it would happen.

I will be moving to Nan province on Friday to start teaching. I can’t believe just a small thought I had 6 months ago has become such a reality. It’s exciting and at the same time, a tad scary. One thing I have learned in Thailand is to always expect the unexpected. Nothing is what it seems and sometimes you can be the last to know anything. One of the leaders on my course told us that his school organised a going away party for him without him even knowing that he was finishing that term at his school! That was the only way the Thai people could say goodbye. No one really confronts anyone face to face over here, which is nice but at the same time they can say yes and actually mean no. It’s taken a while to get used to that way of thinking as honesty is so valued back in western culture.

Each day is filled with adventure over here. The Thai way of life is so different from what I am familiar with back home but I love the change! Yes, I do crave those little western comforts sometimes such as clean drinking water out of the tap, a kitchen, toilet paper readily being available, soft beds, not having to rely on wifi hotspots, cooler temperatures but they are really small things in the scheme of things. Really, this country has so much more to offer than not, such as the friendly people that will go out of their way for you, the food, the relaxed Mai bpen rai (hakuna matata) attitudes, the nature, the temples and history, the opportunity to help people, massages and the feeling of learning more everyday about myself and Thai culture.
I know I’m in the right place for now and that’s a great feeling.

Keep in touch loved ones. I will try to keep you updated as much as possible. Thanks for reading.

Love Erin.

The Countdown.

As I write this, I have 6 more days in this country. Am I feeling ready? Hmm.

The thing is, I’ve come to realise that there is really no such thing as a perfect beginning to something like this.

I feel as though I’m ready when it comes to the little things such as buying tickets, organizing money, packing clothes etc but when it comes down to it, I think I will always want one more month to truly feel on top of myself.

It’s funny when I moved to Eumundi, I thought, That’s great , ‘I have one month to orgainise my thoughts, say goodbye to everyone, maybe lose a bit of weight, just be totally confident and when the time comes and I board that plane… I will be strong and feel ready to conquer the world one step at a time’.

I have to laugh at myself, because I’ve come to realise that this is such a ridiculous expectation. The real key is just to be happy with who I am in this moment. I don’t need to read up on everything, learn every word in the Thai language and be a skinny minny to ensure that I will have an incredible time. Even when I write this, I’m realising how silly this is.

Sometimes I wonder why we think that being prepared is going to make a journey any easier? And at what point, can you ever actually say.. “Okay, I now know everything I need to know and I can happily say that I am prepared for anything.” Never.

You just have to take that leap no matter what. That’s the excitement and thrill of traveling, it’s all unknown once you hop off that plane and that is when the magic happens. The magic happens in the spontaneous suprises, not in all that pre-conceived nonsense.

My main aim is to get off that plane in Bangkok with an open mind, with no expectations and love in my heart.  I know deep down that I don’t know much and I admit, just accepting that can be a challenge but it feels good to admit. I don’t know why we always want to be better versions of ourselves when really, we’re everything we need to be.

I’ve had the best weekend with some of my dearest friends and really, the thing that makes those friendships so special is that we just feel so comfortable and natural around each other. That is the joy! Just being ourselves and being able to laugh with each other. By being comfortable in our own skin, we help others to feel the same. I’m so thankful to have friends like that.

So in 6 days time, no matter what state I’m in, I’m going to board that plane and do this! I know I’ll never be ‘ready’ so let’s go, It’s time to just close my eyes, trust myself and jump!

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Dinner at Coolum Beach with Danni.

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Thai on the beach with Danni and Pitty

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A beautiful and thoughtful gift from Emma

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Spent the weekend exploring the Eumundi markets, this bookstore and the beach at Noosa with Em.

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A delicious Thai cocktail with chilli and coriander on top.

Is this Really Happening?

It’s one week until I leave this city and one month until I leave this country. That’s crazy to even type. It was only 6 months ago that I was toying with the idea of heading over to Thailand to teach for a year and then after one email to an agency and after filling out some forms, it was confirmed. Those steps were such small moments in the scale of things although now as I sit here, I am feeling overwhelmed by what those small actions have made happen.

Imagine that feeling of everything you have ever known, your job, your career, your home, your clothes and everyone you have ever loved all of a sudden being out of sight. Just like that, I will hop on the plane and bam, I’ll be alone with only myself to rely on. It’s a real mixture of feelings, I am excited and I’m feeling pumped to face the challenges however at the same time, it is such an unknown situation. I truly have never had to deal with anything on my own thanks to such a beautiful network of friends and family.

In this last week, I have been reminded how much the people in my life have had an impact on me. I have truly beautiful friends that lift me everyday and I can’t even imagine doing life without them. This last week has been wonderful, having fun and connecting over yummy dinners in Turkish and Indian restaurants. It’s a bit of a shame that it takes that feeling of leaving the country to organise a lovely week of socialising though. Why is that? It’s like we hold on to things so much more when we know that they will be coming to an end soon.  I think if we had that mentality every day of our lives, we would hold everyone that little bit closer more often.

Deep down though, I am excited to do this alone. I am excited to follow my instincts and really listen to my heart in situations. I think sometimes we learn what we are really made of when all those small luxuries and people that we can so easily rely on are not there. I feel there is so much to learn from within and about the world and the people in it and I am excited to go on that journey.

Even though saying goodbye to my loved ones and my life as I know it is going to be hard, I know that this has been a wonderful chapter in life and a new one is about to begin. Of course, my true friends will be there through it all and I am excited to hear their stories from a far and share experiences via skype etc.

The life that I have once known and identified with for so long is going to change dramatically soon. Everything is in place and it feels so right.

There is no way to truly prepare myself for this experience, apart from the trivial things such as putting in more hours of Thai language training or training my tongue for hits of chilli. It is almost too huge to even comprehend however the unknown is exciting and filled with endless possibilities and that’s why part of me is itching to get on that plane and fly to another land.

I will miss everyone in Australia, without a doubt. My friends and family will always have a piece of my heart while I’m away. However I feel that I have everything I need now to embark on this adventure and hey, I feel like I get along with myself most of the time too.